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Stuck

I’m stuck in a place I don’t want to be.  A place full of resentment. This is not the first time.  I break away from it, I move on (or so I think I do), I am happy and then I find myself circling back again.

I don’t want to point fingers, so I am really doing my best lately not to. Unfortunately, I find that I redirect those resentful feelings back on myself.  I apologize.  I apologize to myself for not being stronger, putting my life on hold, not asking for more help, not believing in myself.  I apologize for giving up to easily, not looking harder for a way, the answers, for trusting too much and letting things get worse.

I’ve been in therapy and yet, I still can’t find a way to let go.  I refuse to be unhappy anymore, but I don’t know where to start. I’m moving forward down a path that I’m trying now to plan carefully, but I feel like I’m setting myself up to fail.  Waiting for things to go wrong.

These feelings of hurt, worry, anger are making it hard for me to see the positive. The thoughts in my head race, jump around to try to find how I can make things good.  I’m desperate.  I want to be happy. I want to work towards my dreams and goals without them seeming impossible.  I’m determined to make it happen, but I can’t seem to figure out the first step.

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