Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

October 19, 2010 3 comments

I’m not one to give myself compliments, but the one thing I will always stand by is that I am a good friend.  My friends are extremely important to me.  I treat them like family.

  • If you need to talk, I put down what I’m doing.
  • If you have a secret, I’ll keep it safe.
  • If I disagree with a choice you make, I’ll be honest, but I will do my best to stand by and support you and hope that it does work out for the best.
  • If you’re going through a rough time, I’m pouring the wine.
  • If you need to celebrate, we’re going out for beers.

I will never be fake with you.

I put 110% into my friendships, and as long as I feel that you value me just the same, you will never get anything less.

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Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

October 15, 2010 2 comments

I couldn’t think of the right word to use and am still unsure if this really encompasses it all, but I have extremely low self-confidence and I hate it.

I don’t know how to fix it.  The constant guilt I feel and setbacks in life I have experienced have caused me to constantly judge myself.  I compare myself to others or hold resentment towards people in my life that I blame who I believe could’ve been more supportive while I was growing up.

There are so many things I wish I could go back and do over.  I dwell on them and have a hard time moving forward because of that.

Recently my therapist told me that I need to realize that this is causing me to become extremely depressed and because I’m always “looking at life through this half-empty glass”, she wants to refer me for an evaluation for an anti-depressant.  Something I’ve always been afraid of because of a fear of creating dependence.  I told her last week, I would think about it.

I know my girls deserve a mom who can love and take care of herself.  Someone they can look up to and be proud of.  So, at my weekly appointment I will agree that I will do whatever it takes to better myself even if it brings medication into the picture.

I know it can’t change the past, but maybe it will help me take a baby step forward.

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30 Days of Truth

October 15, 2010 1 comment

I read about this on a blog I love and immediately wanted to do it.   I don’t know why I’m so scared of committing to things.  It took me this long, but I’ve finally decided I want to do this for me.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself


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Wordless Wednesday: Grandpa’s “motashycle”

September 29, 2010 2 comments

feel like letting go…

September 24, 2010 6 comments

I’m so ready for the weekend.  I’m ready for soccer games, wine and relaxation.   I’ve decided I need to get out more like I used to.  I think I’m in the house too much and when I’m not, it’s always about work or the kids.  I need some time for friends and to shake my ass.  Which lately is only done in my car or while I’m cleaning up the house.  I miss dancing and I absolutely love this song.  What are you doing this weekend?

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WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

September 1, 2010 Leave a comment

A day at Honey Pot Hill.

small change

When I look back about 10 years I see so much has changed around me and within me.  I became a mother at 20, went back to school, put school on hold, worked my ass off, battled with the ups and downs of my weight, became a mother again at 28 and struggled through the highs and lows of life.

This journey through life has changed me, some for better and some for worse.  I’ve put things in my life on hold with the intention that it was for the better of my family.   I regret those choices and unfortunately have beaten myself up for it many times over.  It caused me to lose confidence in my decision-making and I’ve been going through life second guessing myself. And that sucks.

I used to take the time for me to care for the way I dressed, did my hair and would walk around with my head up and a smile on my face.  And it was genuine.   Now my smiles feel forced, unless I’m around my kids or chatting with friends online.   I’m determined to change that.  To find what used to make me happy again and open myself up to new experiences that will bring back the feelings that built up inside and make it impossible for me to not smile because over the years, my presence in pictures has dwindled and become almost non-existent.  I hate it.  I have tons of pictures of my kids and friends and family, but hardly any with me.

I used to jump in front of the camera, to smile, goof off or just to be part of a memory.  Lately, I was afraid of how I would look.  Would my weight cause me to delete a picture that included someone else that I loved only because I couldn’t stand to see what everyone saw.  I couldn’t take the chance.

This weekend I decided to make a small change.  I was spending time take pictures with Rory and got some great shots.  We had just had breakfast and were goofing around.  No shower, no makeup, but somehow I suddenly had the balls to be in front of the camera.  I had to have proof that I was there for these good times and will continue to be for as long as I live.  I will find my happy again.

image

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