Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

I couldn’t think of the right word to use and am still unsure if this really encompasses it all, but I have extremely low self-confidence and I hate it.

I don’t know how to fix it.  The constant guilt I feel and setbacks in life I have experienced have caused me to constantly judge myself.  I compare myself to others or hold resentment towards people in my life that I blame who I believe could’ve been more supportive while I was growing up.

There are so many things I wish I could go back and do over.  I dwell on them and have a hard time moving forward because of that.

Recently my therapist told me that I need to realize that this is causing me to become extremely depressed and because I’m always “looking at life through this half-empty glass”, she wants to refer me for an evaluation for an anti-depressant.  Something I’ve always been afraid of because of a fear of creating dependence.  I told her last week, I would think about it.

I know my girls deserve a mom who can love and take care of herself.  Someone they can look up to and be proud of.  So, at my weekly appointment I will agree that I will do whatever it takes to better myself even if it brings medication into the picture.

I know it can’t change the past, but maybe it will help me take a baby step forward.

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