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Shattered

Someone I love is hurting.   For years I have seen their ups and downs, ins and outs.  I’ve done what I can to be there, to be supportive.  Sometimes it’s too much and I blamed myself for not being able to do more.  I know now that there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t control it no matter how I tried.  I became so desperate and determined to keep things moving forward in the right direction.

I finally understand that it is impossible to help someone move forward, when they have lost all control.  When they look you in the eye and tell you they just don’t know how to be the person they were before, it’s hard not to shatter into a million pieces on the inside while nodding your head in understanding to try to assure them that you are going to be alright while they are gone.

They have been hurt, but they realize they love who they were enough to surrender themselves to those that are trained to help them find that again.   They love us enough to be away, behind closed doors, until those that determine the best course of action open them again with a plan for moving forward.

In the meantime, I try to find me.  The person I think I lost while trying to hold everything up that was falling helplessly around me.

It may take a while for both of us. I’m trying so hard to have hope.  I want to be able to make it through this without holding on to hurt and resentment.  Only time will tell if they will be able to prove stability and gain back trust.  Only time will tell if all the love we believed was there can outlast this pain.

“Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen.” -unknown

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  1. October 8, 2010 at 2:01 am

    Sounds like you’ve come up a wall of sorts – hope you both find you way back together on the other side.

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